ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
