hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
