im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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