I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize