Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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