Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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