Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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