Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
