When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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