Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
