I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
