I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
