Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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