somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said her name was "party"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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