this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
