Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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