Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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