Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
