Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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