the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
