Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There's always time for handjobs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize