my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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