Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
