Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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