i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
