It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
