You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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