What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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