can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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