smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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