I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
