a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
