arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
