Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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