one two three fourrrrnication!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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