I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
