like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
