What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
