Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
