I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
