Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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