singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
