You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
