Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
