dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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