I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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