we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
