My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
