My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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