bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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