We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
