my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Shame - the story of my life.
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