A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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