remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
