just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
