This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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