You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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