i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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