Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
