So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
