ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
