# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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