Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
