New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
