I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
