Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have already put on my inside pants.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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